There are moments in my life I spend looking back at myself, trying to understand why I do the things I do. There is nobody else in this world who would understand me better. Yet I am predictable, as anybody would be, to the observing person. Trying to change myself, I would realize that I change because of my circumstances. Because of the knowledge I have of myself. I got that knowledge based on something I read. Or something I did. Should I call that "Clockwork Freedom"? Very predictable indeed.

Yet it still fascinates me, excites me, turns on my inquiring mind. By trying to understand myself better, I realize that my mind plays two different personalities. A mediocre consciousness that responses to stimuli. And a higher consciousness trying to understand the former self. But both a single a single "life", a single rail line, journeying, gathering information and changing it's environment. For the better or worse. Both evolving everyday, realizing new things. Becoming more (sometimes less) aware of itself.

One could say that I was never the person I was yesterday. Very true we are different people everyday. This is not about the "masks" you wear. We truely evolve. I am not the person I was when I started writing this piece. Every new thing we do, with every new experience we better ourselves. I am the experimenter and the obeserver. This gives me the enourmous power of "self-reflection". And the cycle continues.

If only I had the power to know the results of what I am about to encounter. I could only reflect on the past and know of the possibilities. If I can view myself from "God's view". The single channel which would provide me with insight on everything. "God's view" is when you break free of your mind, of your environment, and reflects on everything that is happening everywhere. To know of all those different possibilities. And to be able to predict every action I could take, and all of its reactions.

And the cycle continues. A clash of the experimenter and the oberserver. I continue. My life goes on. I wish I could take control of everything around me. Truly be the "Master of my fate, Captian of my soul".